Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"FUR REAL"


Speaking of "Fashion Police" though....THIS PHOTO IS REAL! I was in the town of Como, Italy....and wandering around....and I FOUND THIS! I could kick myself for not using my real camera...because I bet I could have gotten away with it...but outside the chocolate shop...was this....this....ANIMAL! It's Sunday afternoon....and he's an OLDER gentleman....in a jogging-type LEOPARD PRINT SUIT....with....MATCHING LEOPARD PRINT SANDALS! FURRY SANDALS! So I couldn't resist a phone picture....and I mailed it to my brother and Brad....and they are funny funny cats-no pun intended....but I sent it to them...and put "For REAL?" in the subject line....my brother promptly responds with...."FUR REAL!". LOLOLOLOL!!! WHAT IS GOING ON! Seriously! Though....what laughs would we have if the Fashion Po Po were out there doing their jobs.....?!

Fashion Police..


Speaking of "REALLY?" This picture...I took while riding an elevator up and out of the tube in London. I have NO idea what is happening.....but I don't even know what part of this is acceptable....I mean the fact that you have on red tights? Or that the back of your pants are intentionally missing? Or that on top of all this you are wearing a skirt? Anyway, I just really wanted to share...seriously. Where are the fashion police when you need them....because this? Is a crime that affects us all!

True Story....

It's not MY story...but it's a TRUE story...and I'm posting it for a few reasons...first of all...it's just funny when re-told....second of all....maybe you'll realize that we "tour managers" don't just get paid to go on "vacations"....we put up with CRAP! Or...THROW UP, in this case.

This....THIS happened to my dear friend Annie....my Tour BFF Annie....and here we go.

She's at the airport, in Rome, it's arrival day....the day, I think we all hate, it's just inexplicable, unless you've been there. It's generally ALWAYS insanely early, you generally get ZERO sleep the night before....and I'm positively a MENTAL case on those mornings....call it stage fright....Annie is the same way. So we hate it. We only hate it till we get our passengers though. For me....before they come through that door....I want to cry, run away, quit, and cry some more. I wonder, if I wasn't here....would it be that big of a deal? Why am I doing this? What is the matter with me...? And on and on. But the thing is? The SECOND that my little green tags and bags walk through that door? I'm FINE! And I'm in LOVE LOVE with what I do....and I'm grounded, and on, and all is RIGHT with the world. So again, Annie, the same....except in this case....and I'll just quote from the e-mail I received from her....
This is a new one.....I pick up Ms. Beltz (henceforth, Ms. BELCH) at the airport and she is carrying a Ziploc baggie full of throw up....after I almost vomited looking at it, she shakes it in front of my face and says "What do you want me to do with this?"

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! Really...."what do you want me to do with this?!" Um...people...when doing group tours....I think they leave their brain at home....this one though....really? I have a million answers....and who knows what I would have said if I had been in her position-something way too polite I'm sure...as Tour Carrie is freaky Customer Service and Brand Image....but my first thought....was the obvious....
"Are you kidding me!?????"
but then I really got thinking.....
"Pack it in pack it out!"
or
"You are gonna have to keep that for customs when you leave....can I get you some ice?"
or just the simple
"really? REALLY?"

I mean...so many gems....but that...that my friends, was the beginning of Annie's trip....so when you think we just vacation....remember Ms. Belch...and her ziploc bag of throw up.

And what did Annie say? You were wondering?
Well, she's a rock star....and she #1. did not throw up OR dry heave and #2 was polite and said this... "Yours to take care of. I recommend a trash can." She didn't coddle AND was polite....a rough line.....I mean you can't coddle or they walk all over you, and you HAVE to still be polite because of brand image, customer service, etc.

The joys of our job....I love the MB story....and if you are having a bad day at work....and you deal with people? Maybe it will make things appear "not that bad"....I mean...nobody tried to hand you a bag of throw up today right?!

And also....on behalf of Annie....and another one of her tours? I'm putting up a picture of shoes....a pair of shoes worn on one of her trips by one of her passengers. These are really out there folks....and if you own them....and are reading my blog? I'm gonna need you to stop! SERIOUSLY!? lololol!

Momma Bear

So....I just have to say it, if you don't already know, which, really? How could you not, but here goes. My mom? DARN FUNNY!!! On a lot of levels....but this is what happened today....

I'm at work....Bath & Body Works....part time....and FUN! I love it part time....seriously. So...I go in tonight because I'm going to work my "magic" in the back room...which I love....and more importantly...my "Secret Weapon" is coming to help! So...I dress in appropriate "get buried in boxes and sweat" attire...but I put on the wrong shoes. I put on my birks...that are really just comfy shoes....but here's what I forgot....there is NO room in the back...duh, that's why I was there...and really? I'm just not nimble in my birks. So I'm kind of fussy about it. And I'm kind of getting blocked on being productive because of my shoes...I'm neurotic...I get that. So, it's BUSY on the floor....and there were only 2 girls out there....and there are mad people...and then lines at the register...so I hop on....get the line down, and then continue to empty the cart and am just doing things out there because they need me...and because "Secret Weapon" doesn't get there for an hour! So, I can't handle it...I live a mile away...I need better shoes. Now, me going home...involves me making my way to the back desk....crawling over the store manager on the phone....getting my purse...and making her approve my clock-out...and explaining....then driving home....grabbing my shoes, and doing the whole punch in process, WHICH, if you have ever seen a back room at BBW at holiday...you'd get...but a back room in this store? Somehow worse....somehow...my bedroom is bigger! Anyway, so I text mom. I did try and call her first. And so I said...."if you could, and no big deal if you can't, or when, but can you bring me my pink shoes please? (pictured to the left) I think that they are downstairs or they could be in my room....probably in my jeans where I kicked them off....oh...and not my crocs." (I added the "not my crocs" part because I know that they too are "out" somewhere, and are pink, and are something that I would wear in the back room, and they are pictured to the right!) I text her my request....she texts back...okay. And THEN she texts back...."is there a prize involved?" She is so my mother....I am so her daughter....I write back "duh". So...a little while later, she's there....I run out to the car.....she opens the window....and hands me...are you ready? MY LEAST COMFY HEELS I OWN.....MY PINK HEELS!!!! (Pictured to the left.) My face fell. I mean FELL. Two things are happening in my brain....#1. okay...I guess I'll just make do, I mean I can't make her go back for the right ones, I gotta suck it up, it's not that big of a deal, she is the best for bringing them....oh well, and Carrie, don't freak out, she did you a favor, be an adult....say thanks, I mean after all...they were out....and they are pink!..... and #2.!? I'm HOT about it! WHEN WOULD I EVER EVER EVER WEAR HEELS TO WORK!!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE SAW ME IN MY BACK ROOM GRUNGE ATTIRE BEFORE I LEFT!? WAS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE?! HOW COULD SHE REALLY THINK THOSE WERE THE ONES!!! LOL So...all of this is occuring in my brain in less than 3 seconds....and she cracks the BIGGEST SMILE and says "that was a GOOD one huh!".....and she's laughing....and I'm DYING....but dying! I mean I'm relieved on one hand....and then mushy that she TOTALLY has my number and KNOWS me and what I do/DID for a living! WHAT A HOOT!! SHE TRICKED ME! And I fell hard hard hard for it.....and seriously....roaring with laughter. So funny. So that....THAT is a perfect example of "from whence I came"....what a riot. Oh my goodness. So that's my momma bear for you. Tricking me....in the midst of crabby me.....I love her.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

So....get this! WD-40? WD stands for "water displacement," because it was first concocted to seal metal and prevent rust. The "40" honors the company's thirty-nine unsuccessful attempts to get it right! WHO KNEW!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Just simply praising Him.


So...I leave today for Ireland/Scotland....we all know about that...and we know I'm a procrasinator...that's fine. BUT! This trip? I was packed LAST NIGHT....like in my suitcase...and I had to add my computer, chargers, and some copies! So...I went to bed...slept NOT AT ALL...and woke up this morning....had coffee with Melissa and baby Jack...which was great. My then next agenda was to clean the kitchen, drop books off at the library, make copies of my welcome letter, run to the store to buy oatmeal and marshmellows. Oatmeal so as to avoid breakfast on the trip as it's huge, time consuming, and I like my moments where I'm not "on". So thanks to another guide who suggested it...I'm heeding. Marshmellows....for Fitzy's birthday present...which is breakable....and packed weird....so they are my packing legumes. After that, get lunch at Andy's...my favorite chicken panini of Round Goodness (see the "Fitionary") From there....post office to mail her present...then home to change...and all this so that Kathy Guyer-MY SAVING GRACE- who was going to drop me off at the train station so that I didn't have to take a cab. I had a 4:08 train to catch. Can I recap that I don't really love taking the train to the airport? I have to leave 5 hours before my flight leaves....vs. 3 hours? And I have to lug...change trains...lug....hop on air shuttle....and it's really not any cheaper than driving. But alas...momma bear is still on the west coast...so I was training. The other thing about the train is that I have to take what's available...so 4:08 it is...the same one I took last Friday to head to California for the weekend...my birthday weekend. WHICH? Thank you to those of you who texted, e-mailed, called, facebooked? You made me smile all day long. Okay...so train...me...4:08. Okay...dropped books off at the library...check. Stop at Andy's...order food...run to Foodtown....buy Oatmeal and Marshmellows....run back to Andy's...pick up RG....and look at the clock. Andy's was slow today...and so I am nixing the copies...and decide that I can do them in Ireland...somewhere I'm sure....and off to the Post Office I go. I get there...grab Annie's box....grab my wallet....lock my doors and head in. Um...DID I GRAB MY KEYS??? NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE!!!! WHY DO I DO THIS ALL THE TIME!? When will I learn. See...I did this the other night at Summerfest too. And I had to get a ride home to get my spare. And someone said to me..."well, that's a mistake you only make once."...but it's SO NOT!!!! Anyway, so here I am....with wallet...and package. No cell phone...no keys...and now it's 3:15....and I have to be at my house and ready to leave by 3:45....I'm screwed. So...I mail my package....and ask the lady to borrow her phone, and start the calling. Here is where modern day technology screws us....I know my mom's number...and I know Kathy's home phone number....and that is ALL!!!! I try to think of my options here....NO ANSWER at Kathy's....okay....call mom in Nevada for Kathy's cell phone.....okay...NO ANSWER THERE! Then...onto AAA.....they put me on hold. And I'm rock and a hard place here. I mean I'm wasting time....I'm about 1.5 miles from home...but I can't phone and walk at the same time. So I give up on AAA. I call Kathy's numbers back like 3 times each.....to no avail. She's got a house key...so ideally? She picks me up here...brings me to the house....I get my spare, come back and get the car...and I still make my 4:08. You should also know...if you've read this far? The next train doesn't get me to the airport till like 8pm...my flight is at 9:15...not gonna work. So now...since I have nobody to take me to the airport? I'm leaving my car there till mom gets in next Tuesday. BOOOO! But oh well. Anyway, so....no answer......and I'm close to wits end...so I give up...and start the walk home....with the WORST "woe is me" attitude. And I get like 1 hot minute up the road...and I'm like...I need to leave a message...I need to do what I can to get in touch with Kathy...and I run out of phones after this place....so I pop my head in to this violin store....use their phone....call Kathy again...call AAA again...still holding....so I left Kathy a message....and call mom...tell her to keep calling Kathy...I have to start walking. And I walk out the door again. And I'm HOT! And literally and figuratively....I mean WHO DOESN'T have their cell at their hip....and....the thought of smashing in my car window DID cross my mind...I mean I don't have time for this! And my mini flood gates open...not completely....but the tears start....I don't need this! I have a TRAIN TO CATCH...and so then the pity...woe is me creeps up...and that of course encompasses EVERYTHING....from EVERYWHERE....my heart....my grams....whatever....and so for one second....I have clarity...and I say to myself...I have 2 choices here. I can fall apart...and cry the whole way home...which is a mile and a half away....on public busy roads....OR? I can praise God...because there is something here....some sort of something....that I may get to know about .....I may not. And so I want to cry...I do...but I stepped up...and said...okay...I'll praise you. So....it's hot....I'm sweaty...and gross...and a truck goes by me...HONKS...and WAVES! Like they knew me? NO idea who it was...but part of me wanted to be MAD at them for not stopping. But the "praising" decision nixed that. Boo.....so I'm walking...hot, sweaty....officially missing my train.....and knowing I'll have to now pay for parking at Newark for a week...which is like giving up my first born...which will I have even? (That comes up in pity parties too-lol) Anyway, so I'm like, there is a reason for this...I mean...the 4:08...could be the worst place in the world for me to be right now....or I need to leave my car at the airport for mom next week....or I need this time to get my head straight...or a hundred different reasons. So...I say....okay...what am I grateful for.....I'm wearing shoes....flip flops....but shoes none-the-less, I'm in acceptable clothing...I'm not in my pj's....mom answered her cell phone...she never does that....I'm early....I still have time to make my flight...even if I didn't? I'm going over 2 days early...so I have that window.....it's not raining....it's not SCORCHING....my roads are relatively safe...it's day light....I trust where I'm at....I'm healthy....and so...then TRYING to be annoyed is much MUCH harder. So I'm walking...being grateful...and I'm okay. I'm okay...I mean woe is me walking home in the heat and missing my train...but it's ALL my fault. So I turn the corner into the neighborhood and I see Kathy driving towards me....she pulls up....says..."GET IN"...I do...and she hugs me....and it was all okay. Normally? I cry, and rant....but I'm good. God is good....faithful too. So she says she talked to mom, and mom said to try the shuttle place....I didn't even think of that. I go in....google them...no idea their name....phone book them-member phone books? lol So I call...and the lady is like your flight is at 9:15? International? You need to be on a shuttle right now! DUH! I know...but I'm not. She's like okay...there is a 6 o'clock...I say okay...and I'm on their website by now...and I see a 5 o'clock...I'm like what about the 5...she goes...well, yeah...there is that. I say great...book it. So I book it....it's $33.00...I'm sort of still under my budget. So now...it's 4...I still have to go back and get my car....change...and pack up my last minutes....I run out the door....drive up to my car...get it...drive back...shower....change...and put all my last minutes in one more bag...to deal with on the way up to where I get the shuttle. I'm in the car 20 minutes later...and? My lunch...my delicious RG was still hot....and perfect for the car. I mean I was HOT pulling off my red peppers! (Why nor order without them then? I like the flavoring...not the texturing...I'm ridiculous...I know). SO...sprint to the car...and we're off. I fit all my stuff into my back pack...and so I'm set....one HUGE suitcase...well, normal size...but HEAVY....and my backpack. I'm kind of proud of myself. 2 weeks...mad paperwork and books? One suitcase...3 pairs of shoes and 1 pair of flips. Gloater....I know. Anyway, so I get to the shuttle place with 15 minutes to spare....and I make it up to the airport still a good 45 minutes sooner....and less drama. ALL this to say....God IS faithful....and HE does have a plan....and we CHOOSE our attitudes about it. Did I have grounds for griping and crying about it? Yeah probably....but some songs rolled through my head...."Praise you in this storm"....and it wasn't even a storm...I mean it was FRAMA....nothing real....just stupidity...and "I have decided...to follow Jesus"....just over and over...because I have....and I need to. If you aren't a believer...you don't get this...and that's sad...but He just loves us...promises to be faithful to us...and offers us eternal life....how would you not want that? AND? For those of us that KNOW that? Why are we so stupid sometimes/most times? And....I was talking to a dear friend today...and we were talking about blessings...and how God is just awesome...and perfect...and EVERYTHING for a reason...and how He is always talking...always....we just aren't listening. I'm not saying I'm listening perfectly....I'm not.....but I do hope it's a stronger closer walk, if just a little bit. He is faithful to us...and He's perfect....I mean who knows what would have happened on that 4:08. You know I have this theory when I drop my keys? I'm convinced it's a little angel batting them out of my hand.....so I'll stop...and pick them up. And MOST of the time? I see what I was being spared from...traffic...accidents....etc. So...when the batting them out of my hands isn't enough? They lock doors on me. Well, they love me...and He's protecting me for something....so thanks to Him....and thanks to you for reading this far! May you drop your keys and smile about it....may you lock them in your car...walk home a mile and a half....and praise Him for it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

TIO PACO!!


or....UNCLE DOUG...is officially going to Myanmar/Burma whichever you are still calling it. And as you know...is a funny man...and writes HYSTERICAL emails, so he's made a blog...and this is just me...linking to it! Here is a picture of him and Tia at a Thai Restaurant in Cali when Fitzy and I were visiting back in January...of 08....when Thailand was a mere twinkle/tear in his eye!

Monday, June 30, 2008

John LOCKE!


So……we pick up our passengers in the morning….deliver them to the hotel…then we have the afternoon free. WE, being Bentley and I…on our training trip of Ireland and Scotland. So, our afternoon off…we have 5 lofty goals….1. Book of Kells (google it…I’m way too tired to expand)-super cool…would have been super coolER sans the Italian women pushing and glaring, push and glare back or push and no eye contact back seems to work just fine, anyway, very cool. 2. Bog bodies! Bodies found in Bogs! On display at a museum….more history goodies…so google away. 3. National Gallery of Ireland-and having an Impressionism exhibit! 4. EAT 5. Get a converter of some sort for Carrie, since she’s retarded and brought her EUROPE stuff…not her UK stuff…really it’s just MAC and BBerry, so a phone store. Okay…so we head to town….on our blustery cold Dublin rainy day….and turn the corner to hit up the phone store. He has one perfect for my phone AND travel…with all sorts of converters to it! It’s 30 Euro….45 bucks….a little steep…so I ask where I can just get a converter…not necessarily a blackberry one. He tells us a place called “Boots”-of course…it’s where you’d think to buy converters..duh…BOOTS! Anyway, we walk out of the phone store….and pass this couple…and this guy? Looks JUST LIKE JOHN LOCKE! So I turn around, in time to see him sideways…and I am SURE that it is John Locke! I grab Bentley’s arm…and turn around and say..THAT was John Locke! She confirms…and now…the crossroads….do we head off to stalk? Or just brag we saw him? I say stalk…so we head back to the phone place…where we just were…and where HE WAS! So…we go to re-ask where “Boots” is…and another girl helps us too quickly…so I didn’t get a chance to really work my magic….so…we head out to “Boots”…find it…and they didn’t have my converter. At this point? I say screw it…I’ll buy the expensive one….and I did actually figure that he’d be gone by now. We get back to the phone place? HE IS STILL THERE! So I go up….and the guy, who was helping me? Is now helping John Locke at the counter right next to me. He looks up, and says…you didn’t find it? PHEW! Gave me credibility in case JL saw me stalking! I say no, they had the wrong kind….so I’m paying…and so is JL…he’s buying a phone, and they don’t take AMEX…he offers Wegmans..ha ha ha…and the girl that is ringing me up? Hands me his receipt to sign….to which I hand back to her and say no, I’m paying cash, this isn’t mine….she is flustered, says oh sorry…hands it to him…he looks at me and says well you can sign it if you want! I say I would, but honestly? I don’t know your real name! My real name.? I say yeah…I can sign it as John Locke if you want…he smiles…I smile…and apologize again. Then I say, can we take a picture? He says sure. So we finish paying…well, I finish paying…he still is…and with his significant other…who was nice, but not really into us, she has to hate this….so instead of hovering, I go up to him and say listen we’ll wait for the picture, but I don’t want to be stalking, so whenever, so he comes over, I introduce myself…and Amanda…and he says his name is Terry…we shake hands. So…picture with me…then I say, and one with Amanda? And all ready to do a party pic, when the sig other needs money, so he forks over a credit card, and he’s like nah…Lori can take it, and Lori goes yeah…I’m used to it…but annoyed really! Ah…so be it. Anyway, so we take it, thank him, then I asked him if it was as bad over here as in the states, and he said no where as much as Dublin! People in Stockholm didn’t look him in the eye….and Norway and Denmark were normal, but Dublin, everybody talked to him. So we apologized of course…and let him be…to hear Lori say honey they want to take a picture with you too..the phone people. We said our thank you’s and left. It was COOL! We just met John Locke! Incidentally, his real name is Terry O’Quinn…and he’s been in a ton of things….but most recently “LOST” of course…but then if you remember the “Cutting Edge”? He was her father? So….celebrity sitings for 08…you might want to look for him on this year’s Christmas card….to which I was telling Amanda…what happens when I don’t have an annual celeb? She’s like just go up to NY and do a show or something…I mean you did meet Al Roker last week…DUH! I TOTALLY FORGOT! So here….here is Al Roker….we just shook hands…I’m not sure that qualifies to make the Christmas card or not! And? Apparently his head IS that shiny RB! Anyway, that’s what I got! I’m typing this on the bus…on our way to Glenveagh National Park..still on my training tour of Irealnd and Scotland. Hope all is well out there! Hugs and celebrity stalkings!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

"Private Collection"

WHY does it have to be "Private Collection"? And can I have some information as to WHO owns this "Private Collection"? So that I can make friends and SEE the painting? Anyway, just annoyed...share with the world man! It's the "Son of Man" by Rene Magritte...1964. You probably are most familiar with it from that little remake of "The Thomas Crowne Affair"....good ole Pierce Brosnan. Anyway, that's the only place you'll be seeing this puppy....so sad. So....if you know who that "Private Collecter" is? Lemme know...so I can put him/her/them on my Christmas Card list!!

"From Whence I Came"


I totally MUST go to bed before 1am tonight/day, but I must write this. This morning I came down to a note from my mom written on a paper towel...along with a dead head of lettuce and some stale rolls. The note said this...."After I mow we'll throw these out for your friends, so we can see where they are. Or MAYBE you can tear them into pieces and put it close to the house so you can lure them to be your pet." This of course in regards to my over-obsession with the groundhogs...see blog below. Anyway, this cracked me up....I mean almost fits of giggles. It launched me back to a conversation I had with Annie-with whom you should all be familiar with by now-but we were talking about the Flip-Flop party and how she couldn't come because of a tour, but how she really wanted to because she wanted to see "from whence I came". It was funny, and she said she just really wanted to see where I came from...my peeps/cats/etc. And...so...that note...from my mom...about helping me lure the groundhogs into "petdom" was so TOTALLY from whence I came! I mean this apple hasn't fall far from the tree....if I've fallen at all. So...if you think I'm funny...you haven't met my brother, father, or mother...cuz I have nothing on them. Anyway, I pulled the Hansel and Gretel on the groundhogs...and now I'm waiting......

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Love!

So...this is a catch up....since I wasn't home for 2 months...and then I got to come home for a solid 6 days....and it was really great...and it's just great to be surrounded by love! And so...it was said to me, by another near and dear, as they just went home to their family for a spell....that it was so nice to be around people you love and that love you right back. It is. And if you aren't the person that leaves and comes back...be aware of the love you are surrounded by daily....cherish it. I feel like coming home is a recharge. I didn't get a Nintendo till I graduated from college...but on the N64...Mario could run through the heart for a recharge? I feel like that is what I do when I come home....topped up on love to go again! I LOVE being on the road....and I feel more at home away from home sometimes...but it is just so nice to come home and chill in love's company. So thanks...for those of you who love me-cuz I love you right back! And this picture? Excuse what I look like...I was coming off tour and it was 5 in the morning after a 1am bedtime...but Lorrie Hanson met me at the door on St. Patty's Day with green scones...and one shaped like a heart. I wasn't kidding about feeling loved!

I heart groundhog/gophers!

So....a groundhog IS a woodchuck....and a gopher is a gopher. Groundhogs live in our backyard, and? BABIES ARE OUT!! So today...setting up for the bbq...I came upon 2...so cute they were, and I love them. So yay. The background on my obsession is that every year, he-and yes, there is only one and he's always the same, anyway, he waddles out.....and to the nearest dandelion head....CHOMPS down on it...then stands to chew it....and his standing does two things....1. let's him chew and 2. let's him look around for his next treat! So then he RUNS to the next dandelion....CHOMP....STAND....RUN to the next! It's the coolest process in the world. LOVE IT! They are like otters on land! So...speaking of otters? I was just at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago...which I love, and finally this time? No drama....and I got some time to chill and hang with the sea otters. I want one for my bathroom. No picture I take ever does them justice...but goodness they are SO CUTE! I mean they just primp and PLAY! Always cleaning....scratching...etc. Entertaining for sure....and weird! I mean can you imagine them on land? So...I kinda want one for my bathtub....and you cats know I'm not much of a pet person....but an otter? I might be in! I wonder if they make leashes.... Anyway, so...since I won't be getting an otter soon? This groundhog will have to do! Back to the babies...so I came across 2....they let me stare for a while....one was instantly leery of me...and waddled off....the other....just kind of watched me...I don't think he was the smart one....but then figured since his brother went...he should too...so he did, but he only got to the tree line, then turned around to poke his nose out again, then he saw me, and slowly turned around again and went further into the woods. So I turned the corner of the backyard to go in the backdoor? AND THERE HE WAS! Sitting there! And his face...his precious little face....was SCARED TO DEATH! If he'd been a baby rabbit? He'd have been "scared to death". So....there I am...in between him and the woods...but since he's new to living...he doesn't know that he could bolt left and then get to the woods....he only knows straight! So now while I feel bad that I'm scaring him? I also want a picture...and I want to feed him....and I want to cuddle with him. I get my picture....I get mom to hand me some watermelon....and I throw it his way...he does nothing...he's too scared to be curious....and knows that his mom is gonna kill him if I don't. So I go to toss it closer. Then I just GO closer...the whole cuddle part? He kind of jumps at me....and growl BARKS!!! It was SO CUTE! And a little scary...I'm convinced he could hurt me a little! Though....mom was just telling me a story about how a couple babies attacked my dad's feet and it was funny. He? Had on shoes and pants...and they were smaller....I had on capri's and flips! So....alright....I got my picture....I tried to feed you....and I tried to cuddle....missionS accomplished. I stepped aside....he didn't immediately move. But then mom said it best...give him a second and he is gonna take off at a certain point. So I had the video ready and THAT he did. What a hoot. I posted it down below so that you could enjoy as well. Just know that it's me screaming "mommy", not him...just in case you didn't know they didn't talk! You know his mom was watching...knowing I wouldn't hurt him, but she knew he needed to be taught a lesson about staying with his brothers and not wandering off! What fun that was. Sorry for scaring you little guy...but thanks for the fun pictures!!!

And for fun....some internet info...I have no idea what he is....I think a gopher...cuz they aren't that big? But some get pretty fat...and I have no idea if they hibernate or not. Anyway, so the following is stolen...there...will that cover the plagerism?

Q: What is the difference between a groundhog and a gopher?

A: The big groundhog is about 24 times heavier than the little gopher. The animals look somewhat similar, however, with short neck, legs, and tail.

The groundhog (also known as a "woodchuck" and "whistle pig") is a marmot — essentially, a giant North American ground squirrel. The gopher is, like the groundhog, a burrowing member of the rodent order but its closest living relatives are kangaroo rats and pocket mice.

The groundhog hibernates and the gopher does not. By the end of October, the groundhog descends into her hidden burrow beneath a stump or a rock, curls into a relaxed ball, slows her heart from 75 to 4 beats a minute, and drops her body temperature to that of her home. She is so far "asleep" that, even if we warm her, she needs several hours to waken.

Groundhog: species Marmota monax from the squirrel family, Sciuridae, order Rodentia

  • up to 13 pounds, 6 kg
  • head and body 20 inches(50 cm) long; tail 18 inches
  • found in eastern and central United States, across Canada, and into Alaska along forest edges abutting meadows, open fields, roads, and streams.
  • good swimmers, can climb tall shrubs and sizable trees
  • Gopher: any of 38 species from the family Geomyidae, order Rodentia

  • 0.5 pound (250 g)
  • head and body 6 inches (15 cm) long; tail 3 inches (8 cm)
  • range from southern Canada and the United States, south through Mexico and Central America, to northwestern Colombia. Found from coastal areas to above the timberline in high mountains.
  • two to three-year lifespan

  • video

    Monday, May 26, 2008

    Lake Champlain...a new "Great Lake"?

    Oh Hysterical. So…I’m sitting in O’Hare…just sat down…break out my mac…and I know better….but I see anyway…is there free WiFi? I mean I know there can’t be…since there are signs all over…that it’s too good to be true. It is…freaking BOINGO spot…which is great for Bents…not for me…I can’t commit to that yet. So…now I am really questioning how Fitzy can claim this hot mess as her favorite airport? Also…on that note? I don’t really think the Sears Tower is that ugly….but I do agree that it is TOTAL crap to count the height with the towers…I mean really….it is like measuring your height with a top hat on. HYSTERICAL comparison. ANYWAY…so I sit down…break out the mac…as I do have work to do..and I hear it….corner of my ear…..”Are you from Chicago?” This…not directed at me…but the answer from the person was “No”…so now I’m really listening…since I am super nosey and if I can answer a question from a total stranger…I will…and I’ll love it! So…despite the answer being “No”…this guy proceeds to ask the question anyway…”yeah…that lake…what’s that lake that’s here…isn’t there like a big lake here?” The guy…who isn’t from Chicago…goes “Michigan?” But you’d have to hear it incredulously…cuz he wasn’t sure…since it was too easy…surely that wasn’t the lake he was talking about, but alas…it was. The guy, asker, is like…”Michigan? Yeah…sounds right….k…thanks”…so then they turn away to talk amongst themselves…and this? THIS is where the fun really starts. They say,” now what are the other ones? Well, Lake Champlain, yeah, Lake Champlain, um….Erie…yeah…Erie…and one more….we have Michigan….oh wait…SUPERIOR…yep…there are 5 of them.” I don’t really know where to start with this one…I was forced to put on my headset….maybe a little Josh Groban would be able to stifle the fit of giggles …and their voices. Can we talk about this? I mean I GET that I just did a few tours of Chi-town…I get that I’m a tour person for a living…but really? Did you never learn HOMES!? And so, okay, you have one of the lakes wrong….no biggie…but then you proceed to name 4 of them? Oh yeah wow! COME ON!!! So then…he dials out on his phone…which I cannot do the noise justice…but it was so loud that I was convinced it was the PA system that was dialing! Nope…him, thankfully….he didn’t have obnoxious cell phone voice…but I barely catch the part about how they, his wife, mom, and him just got back from Ireland, Britain, and France, and all I could think of was ….what poor soul had them on tour!!!!! LOL. Okay…so we’re good…I THINK! Until this happens…I am unintentionally catching bits and pieces in between songs. (LOVE JJ HELLER by the way…mad props to Aubs for hooking me up there! LOVE HER!) So…I hear…"no, we’re still on central time." Let’s do keep in mind we are waiting for non-stop to Newark. So…”mom” goes….."when do we switch? When we get home?" I turned the volume up stat. I can excuse the part of when he opens his laptop and asks me if the wifi is free…I say no…freaking boingo….I actually didn’t say that…I said no…you have to pay. He says oh…it used to be free, in NY it’s free. I put my headphones back on-I’m pretty sure that wifi in NY airports is never free with the exception of JetBlue terminal in JFK!…but all this not before “mom” says…so you can’t use it on the plane? This? This happening right now?? Regular riot. I’m tempted to take my headphones off…I mean…entertaining isn’t the word really. Awwwwwwwwwwww…they are leaving! They just made an announcement for “Passenger Mary Allen to recheck”…so they all got up, with their stuff and have headed off to the counter…..and someone stole their seat. Okay….well I’m done poking fun at seemingly nice strangers that think there are 4 great lakes and one of them being Lake Champlain. Look out Vermont…your lake just got stolen…and moved! You might want to ask him what lake he thinks Lake Champlain is....and steal that one! I wonder where poor forgotten Lake Ontario will end up.....! This picture? The Superheroes at Lake Champlain/Ontario/Tanganyika.

    Friday, May 23, 2008

    Legume shot #1...


    As you have read before..the peanut is NOT a nut. That little factoid was read to me by Annie...and it's since become this joke with us. And...so...since I haven't seen her since training in Vermont (Shout out to my Super Heroes traveling to Europe sans ME this weekend...) so...anyway, I've been gone for 2 months....just got home last week...and to an envelope...from her. In it...was a little white box...and in that little white box....was....A PEANUT! An eraser peanut! She had bought it on her last trip with CAPITOL (whom we love love love) at the Field Museum-where Sue the T-Rex lives. It brought me to tears...I mean was I tired? But whatever! It was so funny, and sweet, and perfect! SO...since then...I've officially named this peanut "Annie" and it is traveling with me...and is becoming my Flat Stanley. So here...is my first picture with Annie...the Legume.....at the White Sox-Indians game in Chicago! White Sox won...so that was exciting...since I'm from NJ...my group was from NY...huge loyal fans we are. HUGS!

    Thursday, May 22, 2008

    See Andy...

    So...I LOVE this blog about this song....so I'm linking....go there....read "Fix Me"...it's fab. And thanks Andy for letting me steal it and link to it.

    Tuesday, May 20, 2008

    Dancing trees.



    So...today...in driving to Target with Gayley...a tree caught my eye...and really made me laugh, and almost out loud. It was totally dancing! Not just any dancing though! You have to know the background, which could be impossible, but I'll try. We had training for work, you know that tour manager thing I do, and it was in Vermont for 2 weeks. It was great....see the huge house down below. Anyway, so at the end of the 2nd week, JCrom (our boss-who HATES nicknames, but for the sake of anonymity...it works!) had a birthday and was coming up to the house ON his birthday. So of course Annie says...."well, we have to make up a birthday dance" and just so matter of factly. It wasn't like "hey....we should make up a dance...right guys?" It was just like duh...of course we did. I love that Annie...like nobody you have ever met. So....we do...we ended up doing it to "Blue" by Eiffel 65. So...we get some moves down....and then we get all peeps on board...which was a riot. ANYWAY...my whole point here...is in the beginning? We all start bent over with our heads down...then we "swim" up? And this "swimming" is what the tree was TOTALLY doing! It wasn't "swaying" or "blowing" or anything! IT WAS SWIMMING! So...it made me laugh, and it made my heart smile. So start to notice more...the wind doesn't make the trees move...it makes them DANCE!

    Hundred Dollar Bill

    Sometimes...I'm just curious as to why we are so stupid. I mean seriously...God promises us so much more than we ever ever deserve....and we still fight with Him. I don't know...just how I feel. I was talking about it with a friend last night....and it's just true. We take things as our own, and we try to control it...and God just wants us to let it go so He can make it His...and better! Like I can't describe it...but you know what I'm talking about. It's like we have this hundred dollar bill in our pocket...which a hundred dollars? YAY...but the thing is? He wants us to give it back to Him...so that he can perfectly and infinitely MULTIPLY it, but yet....we hang on to that hundred dollar bill. And that hundred dollar bill? In the end? Will pay for not very much at all...but infinite multiples? Will pay for quite a lot. So why isn't it easy to give up? I mean it just makes sense! So..that's my current struggle...well, one of them.....letting go...giving it to Him...since it's not mine anyway. Grrrrr.

    Sunday, May 18, 2008

    YIKES!!

    My last post was April 4? And from training in Vermont? SORRY! So...just to re-cap briefly? Training was until April 13...on which day I flew home...after waiting a good 5.5 hours in the airport of Providence...watching at LEAST 4 planes fly right to Newark!!! Grr...tis how it rolls! Anyway...so Jackie and Linds picked me up....YAY! And somewhere else I'll blog about my flight home..it's funny AND embarrassing! So...then I had ALL DAY Monday at home...in NJ! Then I left Tuesday for Paris...with a VAGUE operating itinerary...and NO idea what to expect. (INSERT LONG BLOG ABOUT FRANCE TRIP HERE!) So then....flew back to Newark on the 27th of April...where Fousin Jaime and Cheri picked me up and took me home to Long Island...where I left half of my luggage...did some laundry and spent a good 3 hours sleeping on the couch! The next morning I headed off to JFK to fly down to DC for my "ride-along" for two days...then my own tour of DC for the next 3! Which...thank goodness it was a 3 bus move...I'd have died...too beat and too new to DC! So....our groups left on Friday the 2nd of May and I left early on the morning of the 3rd for LA...to be at cousin Steven's wedding...well, as much as I could anyway! I made the rehearsal....and rehearsal dinner! The next day...well...I saw where the wedding would be and salivated over some cupcakes! Then...I had to leave an hour before the wedding...:-( and off to the "Pacific NW"....for my "training tour"....and there I spent 8 days working my way from Portland to San Fran, via Coos Bay and Eureka....and then? I flew back to LA....spent a day with Tia Martha....GROOMING! I felt human after that day...and Tuesday...the 13th I flew BACK to NJ! And was home...with the Grunkies...and sleeping in my own bed!!!!! YAY! It is now Saturday night....Sunday morning actually...and I should be in bed...but I'm not....and all this to say...there is a HUGE pile of laundry outside my bedroom door..that HAUNTS me...as I leave in 3 days for a trip to Chicago....(I heart Capitol!) and I need to do it....but here is what happens!? That pile? Is filled with weird colors....that have to be separated...and since I can't mentally process it? I keep stepping over it! AHHHHHH!!! So be it. Anyway...me...nutshelled....or 3 minuteted. I KNOW that is not a word...but I like it! So...there you have it....more to come...I'm sure. I mean I still have to tell you about the yogurt in my eye incident...or the man that just ate the center out of his pizza! I'm outty, but I leave you with a night view from my window at my hotel in Paris.....

    Friday, April 4, 2008

    Vermont!


    Hey kids! Since I'm supposed to be studying....WHAT IS UP!? Just a shout out from VT....and it SNOWED today! I heart snow. Though...there were no snow angels or walks in it....eh...I still have a week, and OODLES of warm clothes! So here's the "lean to". Lots of love to you all...I hope that SP was awesome and that the Guyers were great....which I know they were. And for fun! Visit my Annie and Amanda! My study buddies...though...I dare say...with more interesting topics! This to the right? Us "studying", slang for checking facebook! We have been having a great time...and learning tons too. We are blessed with a great environment...and as always...I am truly blessed with the best job for me! Love love to all!

    Friday, March 21, 2008

    Is a peanut a nut???



    Wiki says....."The peanut, or Groundnut, is a species in the legume family! A legume is a plant in the family Fabaceae, or a fruit of these plants. A legume fruit is a simple dry fruit which develops from a simple carpel and usually dehisces (opens along a seam) on two sides. A common name for this type of fruit is a "pod", although pod is also applied to a few other fruit types. Well-known legumes include alfalfa, clover, peas, beans, lentils, lupins and peanuts. A peanut is not a nut in the botanical sense; a peanut is an indehiscent legume, that is, one whose pod does not split open on its own."

    I GET that Wiki is not the end all be all....thanks to those of you spoiling my life with that tidbit...but none the less...can you counter any of these facts mentioned above??? NO! So...in honor of the LEGUMES....which an awesome word....here is a picture of Annie and I at the giant LEGUME in Chicago. Affectionately known as the "Bean"...though it's real name is "Cloud Gate"...BOoooooring! Also, you should know...Annie has a dog named Bean...who is misunderstood, fat, and completely loveable. You also should know that she "peers" at you...which is really just Annie's justification of her lazy eye. LOL! Go see the LEGUME of Chi-town...it's fabeanlous!

    Hoppy Easter!!!

    Here are some facts about this year’s Easter. One of the factors determining the early date of Easter in 2008 is the leap year. Since February, 2008 had 29 days instead of the usual 28, the vernal equinox arrives a day earlier, on March 20 instead of March 21. It also so happens that the Full Moon in this month lands on March 21, earlier than in most years. Since March 21 is a Friday, the following Sunday is March 23, and it is on this date that Easter is celebrated in 2008. The earliest theoretical date for Easter is March 22, which would happen in a leap year if the Full Moon were the day after the equinox on a Saturday. Easter has not landed on March 22 since 1818 and will not fall on that date again until 2285. And Easter will not again fall on March 23 until 2160! So 2008 will be the earliest Easter for everyone alive today, since it will not fall this early again for another 152 years! So kids, be sure to tell your great-grandchildren about the early Easter of 2008! There you have it! Have a great weekend!

    Wednesday, March 19, 2008

    Tour Carrie


    is the WORST at blogging! She has great ideas....but doesn't blog on tours...this...for sure...will be an issue.

    I have so much to say....though...it's nearly midnight here in Illinois...so again, it will have to wait. I'm hoping for a Panera Day....see the Fitionary...on Friday...but we'll see. I mean...Sophie Germain? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? More on her later.

    Hugs to those of you that love me and stalk me here!!!! I will also have you know that I won a shirt on St. Patrick's Day. Why? How? Well, apparently I can rock out on a tamborine, and was asked to play with the BAND! OOOOOOOoooooooohhhhh! Translation? Lorrie...Hanson? Volunteered me to shake the Tamb...and then they were giving t-shirts away! Pictures coming soon. For now...just this one...on Navy Pier...playing with hats I didn't buy!

    Tuesday, March 11, 2008

    Praise God for great friends!

    So...I'm off on a string of travels.....YAY...and leaving my near and dears.... :'-( Sad. Just a huge thanks to the Grunkies that coffee'd tonight, shown here, various pictures taken throughout the year...or stolen from your facebook page! (sorry man! I have NONE of you!! We'll have to start taking some!)....you guys are the best....and I HEART my t-shirt...oh my goodness. I am so on pink long sleeve shirt patrol. Viva la cupcake! And with a CHERRIE on top? Hand made? In GREEN!? The best best. Do you get it? UH....DO YOU!? You all are the best....so thanks for coming, supporting, loving me!!!! And bloggings to come? Luz from Michaels....and the infamous Dawn and Olive Oil story.....good times...good times. Love you all! Thanks for being super....and Jimmy thanks for playing, and Gill, thanks for stopping by! Of course to the girls for being there, that goes without saying right? And to all my Grunkies that didn't make it? WHAT IS UP!??? LOL. Hugs friends!

    Thursday, March 6, 2008

    Round Goodness!


    I can't believe it's taken me this long to blog about RG's. See the Fitionary...they are there. They are Round Goodnesses (Delicious doughy pizzas....broccoli for Linds...tomato bits for me!)....and I don't know exactly when it began, but Lindsay works in the same plaza as Andy's Pizzeria....and since I didn't really work this winter? I was certainly available for lunches! So generally? We'd do 11:30...and have RG's and conversation for lunch. It's really...just an awesome time...and in the beginning...when we were just learning the ways of RG's....we'd use like 8 napkins...and over time...we've gotten it down to one. Now...sometimes I like to branch out to a different sort of Round Goodness...and on those days...Linds usually opts for the Vegetable Pizza. It's okay...we still have the time that we spend together. So today...we finally took some pictures....thanks to my new phone...(10 megapixels....ha ha ha) And so above? You'll see Linds with the RG's....and then down here? You see me....because we love the CRAZY pictures that are up...everybody should decorate with raw eggs. Today, was kind of a farewell for a little while, as I'm gone, and we decided we can still have them...as long as we are honest and open about having them...and who we are having them with! Here's to RG's and here's to Lindsay!

    LamBie slipper socks....


    First of all...I'll put an actual picture up when I get one...I mean yes, I'll steal one similar from the website, but the actual slipper/sock isn't there. Apparently? The don't exist. Second of all...I feel it very VERY important to pronounce the B in LamBie...it makes it more fun.

    Let's set the stage. Bath and Body Works, as of maybe Holiday 05? Did this whole "sweetest softest" bit...and it's continued at Holidays and then last summer, they brought out the LamBie. Who is really more like the cutest, softest thing ever. So...I buy the slippers....you see the picture. I love them. I buy them for my sister-in-law and for my Fousin. So, fine, great, I'm set...but then? THEN?! Last week...I'm in the store...and I spy them....little lamBie socks....kind of like Mary Jane socks? But with LamBie's little eyelashes and mouth? I snatched them right up. NO, I did not need them, but they were so cute, and I'd never seen them before! I don't know where they came from, but I didn't care...LamBie slipper/sock/cute foot goodness was coming home with me.

    It's like a puppet for my FEET! I almost feel like a ballerina when I wear them. I said almost. They are so soft...so warm....so fuzzy...and when I look down at them? I smile. And it's one of those things, that if I ever saw another pair? I'd buy them...just to have....as you never know.

    So that's it...I'm tired...putting off going to bed, and I thought that you should know, I own the sweetest, softest, cutest, LamBie slippers/socks/foot puppets.....EVER!

    Wednesday, February 27, 2008

    Travel Tips!

    Well...just a couple for now....and stolen from the March issue of Reader's Digest. In talking about flying, and the fear of DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis). As it turns out...they have just found one in every 4,656 trips of four hours or more, HOWEVER, the longer you are in the air....and the more you fly in a short period? The higher the risk. So travelers...be smart. Walk around, drink lots of water, wear loose clothing, avoid sitting with your legs crossed, and get those fun stockings that keep your veins in place! www.nwa.com/travel/tips/tips.html is a good sources for exercises you can do in your seat. My poor sister-in-law got a blood clot on the way to Paris? And it was MISERABLE she said....and it's a process....so prevention is clutch!

    Just a shout out since I travel...and most of you cats do too!

    Thursday, February 21, 2008

    Earnest, Rhode Island

    Just real quick...WHAT AN AWESOME DAY/DAYS...whichever. You should know...that on the news this morning...in Rhode Island....PAWTUCKET to be exact? The weather reaport said....that on Friday? It would be "snowing in earnest"....um? LOVE IT! Never have I heard the description, it's like an endearing quality to the gorgeous white stuff that falls! Or...is there a town of "Earnest" IN Rhode Island!? What a hoot. I love it.

    XOXOXO, Me...happy, wonderful, tired, spoiled, ME!

    Tuesday, February 19, 2008

    "Woe is me..."

    Perfect example of WHEN to use the "Carrie-ism/Cherrie-ism" from the Fitionary....?

    I had to make a decision today.....stay with my confirmed 9 day trip to Sicily? Or take the 11 day "French Impressions" trip today. See? WOE IS ME!

    In the end? I picked French Impressions....I'd go through the pros and cons...but I can't. Both places have a base pay of love...and "have dinner at the restaurant ON the Eiffel Tower" OR climb Mt. Etna? Really? If either way I'm missing Kirkwood's wedding....sad....but now? To pick between choices like that? Somebody pinch me.

    Along the traveling lines? Between March 12 and May 6? I'm home for 7 days....ahhh....and not all in a row of course...speed laundering will be a new skill! Or...buy new clothes? Hmmm....decisions decisions.

    God is just cool...and full of grace...so praise Him huge for blessing me beyond, very beyond what I deserve.

    France/Italy.....Woe is me....but really? WHOA, IS ME!

    Saturday, February 16, 2008

    No real title!!

    To be clear about this....I have interviews...THIS week....well, one hard core interview...and one "orientation". AND...for this interview? I have to have a 5 minute speech about ME....no problem....and a 10 minute speech about whatever! I was clearly instructed NOT to talk about Britney Spears or NSYNC...which is a TOTAL downer...and now...who knows what I'll talk about! lol. Anyway...so I've narrowed it down to 2 things....mind you...this late in the game? And I'm still "narrowing"? UGH! We will see which prevails. All this to say...I'm blogging...as a way to put off cleaning my room and/or prepping for my interview. Mind you too? I want this job...pretty bad. BLAH...why am I only motivated under pressure? Moving on...I hope you cats have a great week! I'm jazzed for Saturday...I'll be breathing easier...and it's small group night...which is always a good time. Let's talk about small group for a second....it's apparently come to my attention that I have my own language....so in honor of communication...I'm making a dictionary...and of course calling it a "fictionary"...fake dictionary..though...it's so close to Fitchett...how about a "Fitchionary"? So when I use phrases like the "duh factor" or "OTS" etc? It will all make sense. Happy Birthday still to my Janelley Belly....who is officially IN her 30's! Love you!!!! And...for fun....here is my current desktop picture. It's just a cool shot.

    Tuesday, February 12, 2008

    A forgotten quote, for the Super Heroes...

    The Super Heroes, being Annie, Amanda, and myself. This quote is just here, so we don't forget, not that we could if we tried.

    to Amanda..."You're a good dancer."
    Amanda...skeeved. "Why aren't you dancing?"
    him..."I'm more of a lurker".

    REALLY? Cuz we hadn't noticed.

    And just for good times..."He was charismatic, and I was....." AB re: KV.

    It's all cryptic here, because it's for my own entertainment as well.

    Spanwich explained!


    Let's just clear up the "SPANWICH" thing. It was WAY funnier when I first told the story to Annie, and now....it was too long ago. Sorry kids. The long of the short of it is....I get on my flight from Atlanta to Phoenix...(the first time that I wasn't RUNNING for at least 3 miles before barely making my flight in ATL)...so I get on....I'm an aisle....my total preference btw, and I have a seat between myself and sleeping Mexi. WHICH, is NOT said in any derogatory fashion, so get off your righteous horse, he was sleeping, he was Mexican....those extra 4 letters of "ican" are much too much for me. Moving on. So...at the last minute, this big, tall guy gets on....and he's squashed in the middle with us. I failed to mention the part where we were in the EXIT row...which translates to more leg room, less booty room. He squeezes in, WITH his CHINESE food, and proceeds to confuse himself. Um...somewhere? He missed the memo about CHINESE food and EASE? So, I grabbed his food away from him, which at first, was a dangerous thing-never come between a man and his food, and quite frankly, it startled him, but really, it was driving me crazy...he was like a circus act juggling his food, belt, bag, etc. You can think that I was thinking of him, but in reality? I don't look good in noodles. So....he settles...I give him back his food, he is now grateful for me, it only gets better folks. So now he's trying to eat, and saying outrageous things like..."I can't believe they let me on with this!". You'd expect him to have a knife....or a kitten...or something else! But no...he's talking about his food, which, now? I'm kind of in disbelief myself! (Those of you who have brought on Chinese food on a plane? I won't apologize for offending you, in fact, I'm going to forgive you for having done it...don't do it again. Suck it up and go hungry, get a burger, or do the "Annie" and eat your Clif Bar!-And yes...Clif Bars are now officially on the packing "list" and in the MP bag) Moving on...he's a mess....I pull out his table for him...of which? He had no knowledge. No, not that he didn't notice me doing it....he didn't KNOW it was an option! And why wasn't it on the seat in front of him. Sir, we're in the Exit row....to which he says..."wow...you know a lot about planes, you are like an expert...". Incredible. And while YES, I do know a lot about planes, as Popsicle is a pilot, and so is my brother? It's also my mode of transportation to work....HOWEVER....all I did was show you where your table was. Some sort of alarms should be going off like mad in your head right now....like...THIS GUY IS IN THE EMERGENCY EXIT ROW????? So here we go...the "flight attendant" (I still like stewardess better...and it's the longest word able to be typed with solely your left hand), anyway, the F.A. comes over....and proceeds to ask the question, you are in the exit row...are you able to help out in the event of an emergency? I say yes, Chinese eater says yes, the 3 to my right...they say yes....here's where the title come into play. Sleeping Mexi wakes up to say..."Que? Que?" And I close my eyes...have an interior battle with myself....self loses, and I say to the F.A. "do you want me to translate?" She says no, as he can't sit there anyway. Oh...okay....so now, here is my prob. I've already scoped my surroundings....I know that there is this huge black guy, he was, sitting up and to my right, and before even Chinese Eater, I thought, wow...he should sit here, he's pretty tall, but then I didn't know how much booty room he needed. Please, be aware that is more leg room....less butt room....I LIKE butt room! So I was eyeing him to switch....so now back to the situation.....F.A. has to move Sleeping Mexi....so then BBG (Big Black Guy) says something like nah...I need the leg room...and at the same time, F.A. and I say...."actually, there is more leg room"....his eyes light up and he says REALLY? Side note? It's like his 2nd time flying ever....yeah....put him in the emergency row. SO....he is next to a girl....I say, are you two together? He says yeah, and I say fine, why don't you two sit here, and Sleeping Mexi and I will move, I just scored more butt room....HERE IS WHERE MY TRIP WAS OVER. I was on the aisle...so I got out first....this now gives me an CENTER!!! NOBODY likes an CENTER...NOBODY...I mean unless curled in between Clive Owen and George Clooney....so I get the CENTER....and S.M. gets the aisle....ARGH. So I sit down....smile at the girl next to me.....and avoid the GRIN from S. M. So...F.A. now gets in my face, and says, can you explain to S.M. what just happened? OUTTED for my Spanish. So I explained...S.M. didn't care...he DID, however, care about the fact that I spoke Spanish. Yippee...I'm sure we can talk the whole way now? To which...I turn right? She doesn't speak English either, THUS? SPANWICH (the act of being between two Spanish only speakers)....she's from Central America (which translates to Carrie can't remember which country it was) and she's visiting America for the 2nd time in her life and she doesn't speak English. Her Spanish, however, was audible, and legit...unlike...S.M. WHO STARTS NAMING FRUIT! Yes...that's right....he starts naming fruit in Spanish. Clearly, since I speak it, I must only know the frutas? Tengo ningun idea pero....he ended on Papaya. Praise the Lord. I have to give you a quick version now, as I'm pretty sure it was the worst flight of my life...people wise....as there was one from Denver to Billings where I thought I was going to for sure meet Jesus sooner than later! Moving on...praise God for iPods...and I mean that...100%. Thank you Kevin Swayne for making me want one, Curtis for buying me one, and Brian for upgrading me....and simply Mr. Jobs for making them. So....I have that on...more as a deflection...to which S.M. had NO regard....I also resorted to sleeping. MIND YOU...I was SUPER involved in a book from the last flight...but the iPod warded more than the book, and AND...I had some video to watch on my iPod, but NO WAY would I do that with S.M. in my grill. EVERY time the F.A.'s would come around....S.M. needed to talk to me....it started with "Como se dice jugo de manzana?" I say...."Apple Juice"....we practice...he's ready to go. F.A. gets to him, asks him what he wants to drink? He says..... he says..."AGUA"...IN SPANISH!!!!! I have nothing more to say. So...let me not forget that before we even took off...was the "do you travel a lot?" from him, and I say "a little", and he says....I travel a lot, and proceeds to name every state he'd been in, and cities....I'm not totally sold on the fact that he didn't think "Chicago" was a state, but whatever. So then he asks me what a do for a living....argh....I don't want conversation....but I say "guia" anyway, amazingly? HIM TOO! I'm so sure...but then he launched into something else....and realize that he didn't have all his teeth, his Spanish was atrocious (yes, I'm a snob, and trained by experts, and in Spain), but I had NO idea what he was saying MOST of the time. So..the trip goes on....misery....I sleep a little...and mind you? Girl/Chica on my right? Doesn't sleep? Can't....she says....and wants to talk...and I'm so lucky that I can sleep....etc. So I feel her eyeing me, like I shouldn't sleep, so I can talk her off her ledge. Now, here's a problem...I would have TOTALLY relished in talking to her, practicing my Spanish, etc....HOWEVER....S.M. is a lurker (ha ha ha "lurker"-maybe that's a story for later) anyway, when I habla with her? HE LISTENS...too intently. Moving on....we land...welcome to Phoenix Sky Harbor-land of free WiFi, In-N-Out Burger, Cacti, Schugs, Christies, Kellums, Easts, Casson, and ANNIE! So...I'm now JAZZED to be out of my SPANWICH, and JAZZED to be here...to be picked up by my Annie. So...I'm "free"....and getting my luggage....and I FEEL someone behind me....IT'S HIM! And unfortunately, in my nature of being safe in my environment, my looking around? I caught his eye....to which clearly CLEARLY means, talk to me. Duh. He comes up to me....and in the end? He needed to make a phone call....were there phones. I'm like...I'm NOT ON DUTY!....but I am on duty....ALWAYS on duty for Christ....and I remembered that then...though not in spirit...but I looked around....found the phones...and pointed him. He then pulls out a handful of coins....NONE of which were American. I see my bag now....and I'm actually borderline creeped out...so I say...Credit Card....he says oh....didn't like that answer....but walked away a little....I was, in the end, polite, but very glad that he walked a little...so I could promptly run away to the other side of the belt...retrieve my bag, and run like mad outside....only to have the thought in my head that he is going to be out here too.....so I starting texting "GET HERE NOW" to Annie...and the big red van!! So you'll have some closure? The girl from Central America? Had like 10 people meeting her...so she was fine....and happy, and didn't need me. I like her. So, thank God....Annie pulled up, before S. M. came out to say "Adios". And that...my "amigos" is what a "SPANWICH" really is.